--Two Unrelated Commentaries About--
--Two Unrelated People... Weird--

Michael Buffer has The Best Job Ever:
This is it! He has the perfect job. Only two things are required of Michael buffer: A cool voice and an ability to read. I can't believe I didn't think of it! Michael goes out for maybe 3 hours every week, stands in between two legends, reads a card and says, "Let's get ready to rumbllllllllllllle!" That's it! No paperwork, no annoying faculty meetings, no idiots screwing up your job. The only person he has to rely on is the guy who writes the stupid stuff on his card. Every time this man says those 5 words he rakes in at least 100,000 dollars (80,000 Euro) that is 20,000 for every single word of it! Sure, Bill Gates is so rich that if he drops a 100$ bill he will have made it back by the time he picks it up, but everyone hates Bill; nobody hates Michael. He truly lives the American dream, drowning in women, swimming in cash, and working 3 hours (tops) a week. Honestly though, is only really works for like 5 minutes, but he has to open a fight and end it so I am counting all the time in between. He even gets respect from the heavy weight champions of the world who get paid less than he does. I would bet you all the money I have (7.23$) that any boxer would kick the crap out of the first guy who said something bad about Buffer, even behind his back. Alas, even heroes like Buffer don't know what is like busting your buns writing "Lord[anything].com" for a group of starved fans who try to sell me their first born daughters for a loch of my hair. So, although
I friggin' love this job!he still gets off so much easier. I love you Michael Buffer. As a matter of fact, we all do. We all do... *wipes tear from eye*

M. Night Shyamalan Tries to Hard:
As opposed to George Lucas who stopped trying 30 years ago. What is wrong with this guy? Is he afraid of his first name? I can only assume that it is something terribly stupid, so lets call him "Melvin." Melvin has tried so very hard over the years to get his name out there as a director. I do know that feeling, but that is about the extent of the empathy I feel towards his as well as the extent of nice things I have to say about him. So I was at a some cheep movie rental place and was looking through his movies for some reason or another when I realized something. I could chronologically date when his movies came out! This wasn't due to any magic, but simply the fact that the name of every other movie he had made before-hand was written on the cover of his other movies. "Unbreakable - Brought to you by the same director as 'The 6th Sense.' Signs - Brought to you by the same director as 'The 6th Sense' and 'Unbreakable.' 'The Village' - Brought to you by the same director as 'The 6th Sense,' 'Unbreakable' and 'Signs.'" You could tell how many movies he has directed by the sheer number of movie names on the cover of his newest one. I half expected to see something equally stupid on the"6th Sense" cover, but apparently he made some other movies no one has ever heard of at some point in time. And another thing, does this guy have some sort of pride/self esteem issues? If so, than he needs to work those out by himself and leave us out of it. He attempts to cast himself in minor rolls in his movies as if any of us care or even know what he looks like. Leave the acting to the actors Melvin. His movies all have "twists" in them, aka, none of them are "strait," aka, he is a "faggot." If that isn't subtle proof enough than try telling me why he likes Joaquin Phoenix so much. He must have felt some sort of guilt that "Signs" sucked hairy nuts, and that would explain why he put like 4 twists "The Village." Either that or he's getting gayer. The first twist was of course when we "learn" that the monsters are fake; the second when we learn that its actually set now; the third when the retard gets pwned by some Helen Keller wannabee; and the final when you find out that the main character is in fact the blind chick instead of Melvin's homo-erotic fantasy man. Oops, I forgot: WARNING: spoilers. Well, now that that is off my conscience, I know for some reason or another I will end up watching another one of his movies. So as a safeguard I have developed this drinking game...

M. Night Shyamalan Drinking Game:
  • At the Opening - So you don't question holes in the movie like the aliens being able to jump 10 feet in the air but not being able to break through a closet door.
  • Someone Whispers - For some reason Melvin has confused "scary" with "quiet" so you must honor that by taking a hit whenever someone starts whispering.
  • You See Melvin - He is an Arab looking dude who is out of place in all his movies, I like to think of it as a drunken "Where's Waldo."
  • Joaquin Phoenix Gets Dangerously Close to Kissing a Man - When you see it... you'll know... you'll know.
  • Twist - When you find out someone has been dead all along you twist too. Twist off the cap on your Beer.
  • When It's Over - Don't piece the plot together, its like sewing without a needle, just take another drink.
I hope you are planning to sleep right where you started watching said movie, because I don't think walking will be your strong spot after a good "Shyaming." Feel free to make up your own rules, but please post them in the response if you have any.

Quote of the Day:
"I exploded [insert any preposition here] your mom!"


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